April 1, 2009

Crazy coach quits over letter

Meet Michael Kinahan. He coaches little kids soccer.

He claims to be a satirist, but when in charge of 6-7 year olds, it's really not the venue.

Let me introduce you to a couple lines from a preseason letter to the players' parents. As a warning, he says he encourages players to "dig in corners like a Michael Vick pit bull." Nice.

Here are some highlights from his comedy act:
  • "Team 7 will be called Green Death." [Nice start]

  • "This is not a team, but a family (some say cult), that you belong to forever." [Ummmm, ok...]

  • "Unless there is an issue concerning the health of my players or inside info on the opposition, you probably don't need to talk to me." [None of the kids on Team 6 can use their left foot. That's extensive scouting for ya.]

  • "I believe winning is fun and losing is for losers." [Mighty Ducks flashback...]

  • "My heckling of the refs is actually helping them develop as people." [Starting to sound like Dan Quayle.]

  • "Protein shakes are encouraged, and while blood doping and HGH use is frowned upon, there is no testing policy." [This one's kinda funny.]
  • Kinahan resigned after concerned parents showed the letter to league brass.

    He claimed everyone didn't get the joke.

    Ha ha ha. You're the joke pal.

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